Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Found the puke drawer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk is not a location!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
