Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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