dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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