A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
