Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
