Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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