im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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