I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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