then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
