wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
