"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
