Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
