i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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