This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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