i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
