Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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