she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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