Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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