Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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