Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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