I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
