I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
