seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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