she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
