if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
