two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Boobs are out for the taking
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
