The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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