dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
