here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize