Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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