between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
