I will die if light touches me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
