His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
