Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
