Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
