I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
