capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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