Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
