I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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