The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
