Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
