He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
