dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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