I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
