Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
