If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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