He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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