i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
