You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
