He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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