these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
