Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
