I have demons in me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
