Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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