mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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