i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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