and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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