Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
