I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
