Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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