You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
