I love black thongs
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
