Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
