I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
