you win again, gameday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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