If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize