The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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