Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
