Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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