He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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