Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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