Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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