peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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