It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...