It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
