so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.