I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How naked do you want me to be?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
